JLo? JLeo? Get it?
Okay okay don't punch me. . .
All right, let's be honest, it was too beautiful a day for me to spend it watching hockey inside. The first warm days of the year on Boston Common and the Public Gardens are to die for--everyone is outside. Like this, except imagine twice as many people and no clouds:
But hey, it was a beautiful spring day in Pittsburgh too. Not as much sunshine, but a perfect day to venture to the arena for one of the last regular season games:
But! I managed to get the game to record, and I've seen enough of it to present some humble awards. The Penguins did their team awards this afternoon and I wouldn't want to overshadow those, of course. They were pretty predictable this year (Sidney Crosby team MVP? Really? Brooks Orpik defensive player of the year? You're shitting us!) but all in all, it was a good showing.
SNEAKIEST UNGULATE AWARD
Moose played the puck outside the crease.
No call. Mike Smith did it, too. Well if we're going to ignore the rulebook maybe we should get rid of that stupid thing. . .
During the first period we have to deal with a lot of "Chris Chelios is 48!" talk from Steiggy and Errey. Apparently people were saying he couldn't skate backward anymore in '91. If he'd actually achieved anything except being cheap and annoying since then we might be less in agreement. Seriously, has he ever been a necessity to any team? Ever? We'd research this but we'd probably have to check historical documents at the library.
SECOND OLDEST BUT MOST BADASS
Billy G, for fighting the good fight against Slater.
That time we heard that Afinogenov thought it was his god-given right to score in the last minute of the period.
What a fucking dick.
Hedberg is standing on his head to start the second. If you know and love Johan you have mixed feelings about all this. On one hand, he's in the opposing team's uni, and that team has been a little bitch for the past few years that we've had to force to roll over and shut up. On the other hand, he's a good goalie, a rare example of "good Swedish" (much like Valtteri Filppula being a rare example of "bad Finnish") and
Don't you want to like, give him a juice box to wipe that sour look off his face?
But as-is, we're fine with his misery.
to a degree.
BEST LINE BRAWL DECISION
We don't know what Malkin said but we assume it was something like "IN SOVIET RUSSIA WE PUT OUR ELDERLY OUT TO FREEZE"
HEY WAIT GOLIGOSKI ACTUALLY MADE A GOOD PLAY
Goligoski makes a genius pass to Malkin lurking over Hedberg's shoulder.
We'd show you a picture but it was like this
OH SHIT NVM
Stapleton redirect 2-1 late period goal puke
AWESOME THIRD PERIOD AWARD
Early in the period, Tyler Kennedy comes out of nowhere to make Johan piss himself on a good rebound goal.
After getting shit going in the offensive zone, however, the Pens defense decides to go take a massive dump somewhere instead of playing:
Things were looking bad. Things were looking pretty unfortunate and uncool. However, Jim Slater is clearly having flashbacks of Bill Guerin punching him repeatedly in the back of the head and forgets that holding is a penalty.
The Pens are trying to get a 6-on-4 going at the end, and then Gonchar, from way downtown, rips it:
Solid fucking player. God what a shot.
OHHHH NOES PREGNANT
OT is pretty blah. Then Jordan Leopold's sperm hits the easiest mark of his career when he just shuffles a bad angle shot to the net.
Moose probably feels like the dumbass that got J.Lo a necklace instead of love.
MOVIN' ON UP
Our regular season ballsucking performance against the New Jersey Devils is, however, coming back to haunt us these last few games. Tiebreaker is currently being determined by points gained by each team in the Devils/Pens season series. If both the Devils and Pens keep winning it's probably going to come down to the Devils/Sabres game on April 11th. We could finish anywhere and play anyone first round. Keep an eye on the standings. It's going to be very interesting.
- resign Jordan Leopold. Puck management, good decisions, and even though his GWG tonight didn't come from a great scoring chance, he's had plenty. And seems generally capable of putting the puck on net.
- we want to hug Moose
- for that matter, re-sign Gonchar and Eaton if you can. Currently about 8.75mil committed to defense thru next season whoa.
- Atlanta trading Kovalchuk definitely makes them play more like a team. and not a "get the puck to Kovalchuk, wait for him to score, then blow at defense." They're not that much better, but still.
- sorry for exposing you to Jennifer Lopez at the beginning of the post.
A few days to think about Things before the Caps come to town.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Posted by debrisslide at 6:29 PM